All You Need Is Love

"Are you ready?" Three little words that constantly come up you when you are expecting a child. Everyone asks it. Everyone gives you their piece of mind on how to be "ready." And it seems to be the number one excuse of absentee parents...."I'm not ready."

Erin Pitts Photography

My response to that....there is no "ready." It doesn't exist in the world of parenting. You could read every parenting book out there, take parenting classes or watch countless videos of how to take care of a baby. That doesn't make you ready.

Becoming a parent is a whirlwind of excitement and fear of the unknown. But to be ready there is only one thing you need. LOVE. Unconditional, undying, heart feels like it's gonna burst out of your chest, out of this world type of love.

If you selflessly love your child, then every decision, every action you take on their behalf, comes from love. How can you be wrong if you are acting out of love for them?

 As a parent you only want the very best for your child. Of course, you will question every decision you make. Is it right? Is it what's best? Am I being a good parent? Second-guessing yourself is just a parental instinct that won't go away. Heck, the second you leave the hospital with your bundle of joy to go home and there are no more nurses or doctors to ask for help and that sudden feeling of "Holy smokes, I'm really on my own here with this tiny human" sets in....about a million worries and concerns will pop into your head! But take a deep breathe and realize it's going to be ok. All you need is love. A love that there will be countless times where you just gaze at your child and well up with tears just because you truly love them so much it hurts.

Although they can't communicate yet or thank you for your love, babies can certainly feel it. Through holding them close to your body, letting them listen to your heartbeat and creating a nice, relaxing loving environment. Before you know it they will be cooing for you, then clinging to you, hugging you, looking to cuddle up with you, giving you kisses and eventually be able to say the words "I love you." Which from what I hear is an incredible moment where I guarantee when my daughter says that to me I will be crying tears of pure joy and happiness. I'll be a blubbering fool.

One of my all time favorite songs is by Bob Dylan titled, "Make You Feel My Love." I sing it to Aubrey every time I rock her to sleep. I feel that the last verse explains the immense love you have for your child when you become a parent;

"I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
There's nothing that I would not do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love" 

Melissa Bergen Photography

So to all the expecting parents, those in the adoption process, even those taking in an older child, remember one thing, all you need is love. You will be ok. Don't worry about "being ready." It will come naturally. And to those parents absent simply because they are afraid that they aren't ready, what are you waiting for? A rock to fall out of the sky and hit you in the head? A baby won't judge you. They only want to give back the love that they receive. And every day that passes by where you aren't in their life is just another day of missed opportunities and memories you can't get back, another day where you miss out on the most incredible love there is in the world.

As Elizabeth Stone once said, "Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." I wish that all the parents out there get to experience this type of love the way I do for my child. For any obstacles you may encounter along the way as well as the triumphs, all you need is love. Shower them with your love and your heart will be forever full.

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 A reminder to try not to blink. They grow too fast. Here is my daughter's transformation during her first year. It's absolutely incredible how much happens during the first year, take it all in.
And take pictures, lot's of pictures and videos. You will cherish the memories for a lifetime to come.

Melissa Bergen Photography

12 Reasons Why We Love Target

12. They have no shame in putting their balls right out in front for everyone to see.












11. Their Christmas commercials. HIL-AR-IOUS.

 10. The Red Card. 5% off EVERY TIME. Online included and you get free shipping. Free-freakin-shipping.












9. Cartwheel. Digital coupons just for Target? Well, you better believe I have that app on my phone!

8.  Coupons. They take every single coupon I have. I stack coupons and they take them all. They take my coupons, my cartwheel app coupons and 5% off. And sometimes the discounts are on top of a current sale. Excuse me while I go have a panic attack from the savings....

7.  Simply Balanced. Target's very own brand of organic food that cost less and taste better than it's more expensive competitors. THANK YOU.

6.  They have an escalator just for your CART.
















5.  Target for Baby. If you're a parent, you get this one. Target brand diapers that are affordable and durable. They even hold up during the night! My entire baby registry was with Target and that was one of the best decisions of my LIFE. They even gave me an extra 10% off coupon code to use for the remainder of my baby registry. Stop it Target, you outdo yourself with everything!













4.  SNL's "Target Lady" with Kristin Wiig.
















3.  I went in to get shampoo, milk and cat food. Other items "magically" appeared in my cart and next thing you know I'm spending $100.













2.  When I'm feeling fancy, I'm not headed out to Target. I'm headed to Targeé. 













1.  Starbucks. If you're among the incredibly lucky, you have a Targeé that has a STARBUCKS in it. Is there anything more incredible than this? I think not. I'll take a Java Chip Frappucino as I browse or maybe an Iced Hazelnut Macchiato. I like to do my shopping as caffeinated as possible. 

CA$H In On Your Old Clothes With "thredUP"

Take a second to think about the clothing you have. In your closet. In your dresser. In storage. Sprawled across your bedroom floor. Now think about how much of it are you actually still wearing compared to what has been on the hanger for a year or still folded in the back of the dresser drawer. Because hey it still fits and you might just wear it again. Let's be real though, you aren't going to. If you are like I used to be, could be a lot of useless clothing and it's time to CLEAN OUT!!!

Moving back home, temporarily, to the east coast meant revisiting clothes that have been stored away for a few years. And being post maternity also meant revisiting clothing that now (thank goodness) all fit again. PHEW. But time has gone by and some of it is outdated or I was just simply not going to wear it anymore. I've also become a minimalist and want to get rid of any clutter. I don't like having a lot of "things" around. I've moved too many times and it's quite annoying to tote it all around.

First thing I thought of was Plato's Closet. A store where they buy and sell gently used clothing and shoes, accessories, etc. So I went through my clothes, I had a bag for the donation bin for the clothes that I knew the store would never buy whether it was due to stains, small rips or too old. (If you donate directly to Salvation Army, they will give you a receipt for your taxes by the way.) Then I had a pile for clothing I thought could be sold. Once everything was sorted, I washed and neatly folded all the clothing to take to Plato's. I have heard that they can be difficult but I figured hey what the heck, why not try to get some money off of this.

First location I went too wasn't even there! Guess it had been awhile since I lived in this area and didn't realize that location had closed. Since I was already out I drove to another location in Enfield, CT. After all was said and done with about three totes and a box of shoes I was offered around $3. Yup. $3. That doesn't even cover the gas and the trouble of me toting my baby out with me and lugging the clothes around and into the store on my stroller while carrying my 20lb daughter!!! ARGH. I was a bit angry to say the least. So I headed to another location anyway to see what they could do because I was told they were better and I could probably make more money over there. They offered me about $25. They went through the SAME stuff the previous location did. So OK, that made the day somewhat worth it. Now I still had a ton of clothing left and I intended to donate it. I remembered though hearing about selling clothing to an online company from a nightly news story a while back...so I decided to Google it and see what I could find. Anything to make a few extra bucks!

This is when I discovered the company thredUP. What an AMAZING discovery!! You can shop and sell with them. They will pay you up to 40% of the resale value of your clothing item upfront. It's simple to do this. You can order a bag from the website, for free. It comes to you in the mail. When you open it up it is rather large! It comes with a prepaid shipping label already on it to ship back. Put in your freshly laundered clothing, shoes, clothing accessories like scarfs or hats and put it outside your door for USPS or FedEx to pick up for FREE. (Just put in a pick-up request online with either of these shipping services.)

I received an email once my bags were received by the company. Mind you it can take some time for your items to be processed and to find out how much you will get. Let's face it, who cares how long it really takes...you got the old or unused clothing OUT of your house and in a few weeks you will get a nice surprise email when you least expect it saying you earned some money!

What happens to the clothing that isn't bought by thredUP? Every item is entered into their 100% re-use program which is a partnership they have with textile distributors and recyclers to ensure that no item ends up in a landfill. They receive a small nominal amount from this program which helps keep the shipping free with the bags to customers. In addition to this, a portion of this money is donated to Teach for America. This is another reason why I love this company. Clothing I would have donated for free I made money of off and what isn't used is being donated or recycled properly.
   
Wondering what I made? I sent in 4 bags. The remaining clothing items that the other clothing store wouldn't buy off me. I made a grand total of $32.40. This can be used as a credit on their website to purchase clothing from them or I can chose the cash out option. It will send the funds right to my Paypal account. Paypal takes a 2% processing fee but that's not a big deal because I still just made extra cash without having to drive the clothing around to multiple stores and wait to find out if I will get anything back. Besides this clothing would have wound up in the donation bin anyway and I wouldn't have gotten this money if I didn't send the bags in! Adios Plato's!!! I'm so done with your annoying store that doesn't take any of my belongings! Some of which still had tags on them! My new go to is going to be thredUP.

So CA$H out with this great company! They accept children's clothing as well. Here is the link to the website: thredUP. If you want to buy anything from their website, by clicking on that link, you will also save $10 off your first purchase. Your welcome ;-)

How Do You Measure A Life? Measure In Love.

Darn you Glee. Darn YOU. They aired the episode honoring Corey Monteith's character Finn Hudson on the show last night. Corey passed away this year due to an accidental drug overdose. A tragic and sad death at such a young age. Glee did a great, simple, yet heart wrenching, made me cry like a baby, tears down the face episode to remember Corey for what he did with his life and the great, caring, genuine person he was. They didn't focus on the "why" he died. That wasn't Corey. That was an unfortunate event. Instead they celebrated who he was and the positivity he brought into other character's lives on the show.

Maybe what got me so emotional was my real life connection to the story of a young, sudden death and at that time I was in my own "glee" club in high school. The memories and emotions all flooded back like it was yesterday...

16. I was 16 years young when I found out that my very best friend, also 16 years young died. Just like any normal night my other best friend Erin called the house to talk. We at that age still called each other's house phones, only a few people were getting cell phones then. I didn't think anything of it, Erin was on the phone, YAY! When I took the phone from my mom, I wandered into the bathroom, said "Hi" and immediately I knew something was not right. I could hear it in her voice and that's when I got the news. She told me our friend Lexy had passed away the night before. I bolted downstairs and ran outside to the side porch, bawling, hysterical, a full on hyperventilating type of crying. I couldn't believe it. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't breathe.

I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. Every tear I had in me and then some came out. I lost control of my body. I curled up in a ball like a baby. Eyes swollen, tightened chest, I mentally went into a zoned out mode. I was numb. I didn't understand anything. I didn't get why this was happening, I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I took sips of water but I didn't want food. I had no appetite. I was in bed for days. I couldn't move, I cried and just wanted to lay there for forever.

One of the first normal things I did was keep my driver's ed appointment. They were coming in the morning to pick me up for a lesson on the road. Guess who the other student that was supposed to be in the car on that appointment with me for a lesson was? Lexy. We had been doing driver's ed together that summer. We had just finished the class and written test portion and were doing road lessons scheduled together. The teacher knew what had happened and came to pick me up by herself. She just had me drive to her house where she tried to brighten my spirits by meeting her dogs. Then her daughter leaned over the railing to tell her mom that some girl from the high school had died. My poor teacher went into panic mode over the way her daughter had burst out with this gossipy news with me standing right there. She yelled at her daughter, kept apologizing to me and we left. She made her daughter talk to me on her cell to apologize. It was still surreal and it wasn't her fault, I understood it. She didn't know I was there or that I was her best friend. Yet it was my first time out of the house and I didn't see how this was going to get easier.

Gone. Never coming back. Never going to see her again. Junior year was going to start and she wouldn't be in the hallways at school. I wouldn't get to hear her absolutely angelic voice singing in chorus anymore, the kind of vocals that made the hairs on your body stand on edge. There would be no more hours spent talking on the phone or at that time messaging on AIM(AOL Instant Messenger for you young-ins...all pre-facebook). She would no longer be playing the role she was cast for in the fall play. All these never
ending thoughts flooded me constantly. The "Fab Five" as we called our little group of friends just lost a member. But what I did have were my other friends going through this too and thank God that I had them. Thank God we had each other. Because together we would have to experience the pain and grief and try to carry on.

Singing and choir being a large part of Lexy's life and her friends, our chorus group in high school got together. We were going to sing the song 525,600 Minutes from the Broadway show Rent at Lexy's wake. This is the song that started off the Glee episode...like I said...cue the tears. Still to this day that was the most difficult song I ever had to perform in chorus. I couldn't make it through it, most of us couldn't as we were crying while trying to sing. Maybe we all gave Lex a little laugh at the hot messes we were that day at the wake. Things were going to change and at that time I didn't know how. I didn't know the effect that losing a friend at that age would have on me. Not a negative effect but a positive effect that would only make me a better person.

Instead of focusing on what I wouldn't have anymore from losing a friend, I thought about this lyric from the song 525,600 minutes; "It's time now to sing out, though the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends." Celebrate. Just like Glee did through their episode, you have to celebrate the life of a person and who they were while we were blessed by their presence on this earth. Appreciate the memories you had made and the times you were lucky enough to share together. You have to remember to laugh as well, it's ok. Laughter of course is the soul's best medicine.

The first time that comes to mind where I think I realized how this experience was going to affect me in a positive way was on a normal day in the hallways of high school. I recall two girls who were friends yelling at each other, they were in a fight over what, I don't know, but I remember it was something utterly ridiculous. Inside I got angry. I was SO mad at them because all I wanted to do was shout at them to stop, "STOP fighting! You are so lucky that you HAVE your friend ALIVE and next to you and you're fighting over NOTHING. STOP. You don't even realize what you have!" At least that's what I saying in my head. That was the moment it changed for me.

To this day I never let any little thing bother me. Most people have come to know that I am an open book, I am all about honesty and you can't offend me UNLESS you attack my character. That would be the only thing way to rattle my cage. (Or now if you ever to mess with my daughter....ooooo you better watch out for this momma bear!) I take pride in my morals and values. I believe in honesty, love, family, friends, faith, hope and living life to it's fullest. Good lord my high school graduation speech was all about that!

We have one life. Why be dragged down by little things, little fights or disagreements with people? Why let these things stress us out or unnecessarily negatively consume us? When something comes up, ask yourself this, "Is it worth it?" Is it worth me getting that upset over the guy that has 15 items in the 10 items or less line? Is it worth it me losing patience during the holiday shopping season when there are long lines and only a few cashiers on? Is it worth it to allow pointless gossip or someone's negative opinion of what you do with your life bother you? When you start asking yourself this, there isn't much that really makes the cut to be worth the stress, depression or negativity it could bring to your life. No need to lose sleep over little things. And if someone is making a big deal out of nothing, then you move forward with your life and let it bother them if that's the path they chose to take. It shouldn't be your problem. Let them be miserable. You take the high road. If you are a negative influence in my life, I just move on. My daughter and I don't have time for that, we have big plans and stay positive 200% of the time.

Call me crazy or even naive but I truly believe that if you are just a good person in life, if you follow the golden rule "Treat others as you want to be treated," that you will be rewarded. Karma will work out in your favor. Doesn't always seem that way! But without challenges in life, how would we become stronger or learn something. Something that was a devastating event in my life, completely changed my life for the better, put life in a whole new perspective.

I used to celebrate the anniversary of Lexy's passing and birthday by writing a little note to her, tying it to a pink balloon and sending it off to the heaven's. I did that for years and then one of those days came along and it wasn't like I didn't think about it or that I forgot but I didn't get to send a balloon up. I realized then that I will always miss her, I will always think of my friend and heck I talk to her all the time if she's listening up there in paradise but it was then I knew that I was ok. I had healed in a way that I moved forward with my life and have chased and will continue to chase my dreams just like Lexy would have wanted me to. I think she would be proud of me today, who I am and where I'm headed in life.

So, how do you measure a life? Measure in love. Your family, your true friends, keep them close. Don't let them slip through your fingers over anything that probably isn't worth fighting about. In life it's the quality of the people that we surround ourselves with that show true value, not the quantity. Pass down the love to your children and your children's children. Be nice to everyone, always wear a smile, appreciate everything because it could all be gone tomorrow. I wish everyone health and happiness and don't forget...is it worth it?

The Bunion Diaries

I have bunions. Annoying, crooked, headed in their own direction, painful bunions. While some may develop these due to wearing high heels, other poor forms of shoes for your feet or maybe from being a dancer, mine are hereditary. I LOVE my Abuela dearly....but they come from her. Thankfully for her, she says hers don't cause her pain. Mine on the other hand have been a ROYAL pain in my tush throughout my life especially because I love to be active. By the end of the day (well even before that) I would be suffering from throbbing, sharp pains in my foot, where the bone turns in, even from just a day of normal activity. If you haven't noticed I'm also not 95 years old, I'm 25 and I've had this problem for long time. You don't have to be retired to have these orthopedic problems. Lately the pain had been out of control and I have a strong threshold.

Why have I waited so long you might ask to get this fixed? Well when the heck DO you do this? The only fix for such a severe bunion is surgery. Two of them. Recovery is 6-8 weeks per foot. I never seemed to have that chunk of time to take off from whether it be school or work. I also needed insurance to line up the right way to get both feet done. So I waited. I knew someday it would happen, just never sure when.

Then in July 2012 I had a beautiful baby, went on maternity leave, moved back home and saw an opportunity that maybe I could finally get my surgery before I head back into the work force. I made an appointment with a podiatrist when my daughter was about 4 months old to get x-rays done and see what my options were. I chose to breastfeed my daughter and that was a decision very important to me. Since I was breastfeeding, surgery would have to wait until my daughter was weaned due to the drugs I would be prescribed post surgery. Nevertheless, my confident, reassuring podiatrist said just give a call when I was ready and we would get moving forward! Great!

Just after my daughter's first birthday I started the weaning process which I knew would take a while not only for my baby but for me to do. She was an avid boobie addict so it was a rough road with many tough days and lots of tears...for the both of us. Updated x-rays with my podiatrist in August and was waiting to hear back on the surgery date. While on a trip to Los Angeles, I got a voicemail from my doctor's office saying they needed me to come in for an appointment to sign the necessary papers for my surgery scheduled Oct.4. ---- UMM WHAT?! That's in THREE weeks!! Did I mention I missed the call telling me they ever scheduled this?! HOLY MOLY!!! After a slight panic attack it was decided then that I was done breastfeeding. I had to completely wean. I was mostly done by that point anyway but I just went cold turkey on the few feedings I had to knock out of our routine! Why push back a date that I have waited so long for? It was just meant to be, my let's do this attitude kicked in.

Three weeks later, my OMG I'm gonna pee my pants with anxiety attitude kicked in. After looking up bunion surgery on google, youtube and instagram WAY too much prior to my surgery I was freaking myself out. Why do we do these things to ourselves? I just told myself to try to block out the images of a sliced open toe, broken bones and a screw in my foot. I just figured I would go with the flow of things and hey if I can survive a difficult 20 hour childbirth then this should be a breeze!

Now that we are all up to date on how we got to finally getting surgery, let's get into the good stuff! The actual bunion surgery experience. Because this is where maybe this blog will help someone who is going through post op, about to have the surgery or thinking about it get a real perspective from a patient. Not a doctor or medical review telling what is "going" to happen but what happens in my actual experience. I may be a length writer as well but I would have appreciated something like this to read prior to surgery to ease my fears.

Surgery Day: Friday - October 4th, 2013

No food or water allowed past midnight the night prior. Prescriptions for post surgery are already filled and waiting bedside. TV is facing my bed at home, prepared with Netflix and my laptop and phone charger are bedside as well. Gotta be prepared for a lot of time in bed.

Check in at the hospital with all required paperwork at 7:15am with my mom and daughter in tow. Surgery is scheduled for 8:45am.

Do basic paperwork. Put on the every so trendy hospital gown and slipper socks they give you with. All belongings go in a plastic bag under your hospital bed. IV gets hooked up which to me is the worst part cause I hate needles. Just never been a fan of that whole process. My daughter was getting the attention of every nurse in the wing and we put on our "party" hats as the nurse called it in preparation for surgery and because the nurse thought it would be a great photo op. Good call nurse!

Time to meet the anesthesiologist. The best guy around. Told him my doctor said I am young and healthy enough to be put "out, OUT." I don't want to be aware of anything going on! Now that we had that plan set, he came back five minutes later and asked if I was nervous. My mom and daughter had left at that point already and I said yes, I was. He then asked if I wanted an "anti-nervous" medicine added to my IV. Of course I sarcastically ask him if he was serious, does that even really exist and he in a professional manner told me it did and I could have it if I wanted to help with nerves and it would take me a "little" longer to wake up but would help. Well add that to my IV cocktail Doc, sounds great!

Podiatrist comes in, marks my foot up that surgery is being done on. Writes his initials on my foot...(maybe he secretly wanted to be a rock-star and give autographs?) and asks me a trick question if I ate or drank anything for breakfast. Touche doc. Finally I get told "It's time." Wheeled into the surgery room, I can see the ceiling and people moving around prepping. Last thing I remember is the anesthesiologist putting a mask on it telling me to just breathe normal in and out.....and BLANK.

Next thing I'm waking up in my hospital bed where I originally started off in the patient recovery area. I'm thinking wait, what happened to me? Is it done? I have to look down at my foot and see the big bandage on it to know that yes, I've had surgery. My bunion is technically GONE! YAY! And what is this? No pain?!! I feel GREAT!!! I feel energized, not sick, ready to rock and roll! They get my dad who was waiting for me and I am released from the hospital at noon. Sent out in a wheelchair with a stylish new surgical boot for my foot and a pair of crutches.

Post-Op Instructions - Keep foot elevated. Ice 15 mins, then off for 30, back on for 15 as often as possible. Take pain meds as needed every 4-6 hours. ONLY get up to go to the bathroom.

DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THE 6TH HOUR TO TAKE YOUR PAIN MEDS during the first 2-3 days!!! Lesson learned. You want to be comfortable.

I felt great all day, your foot is numbed for surgery so you can't feel much of anything the first day. I knew that would probably wear off at night and start to hurt. Everything always seems to hurt the worst the next day and I was right. So soak in the glory of day one and make sure you listen to your doctor's orders. Remember you want to heal properly, the last thing you want is to ignore order's and mess up the big surgery you just had.



Day 1: Saturday, October 5, 2013

The night before was a little rough. My foot was just a weird uncomfortable feeling I wasn't used to and I definitely needed to take the pain medicine every 4-5 hours at the latest. It was weird for my mom to take my daughter from the crib in the morning when she woke up to feed her downstairs and take care of her. Only the second day and I didn't like not being able to do my "mommy" duties. Probably going to be the hardest part of this recovery process. Yet I needed my rest. I was out of it from medicine and not a great night of sleep.

My parents were great to have around for the weekend. My mom is Super Mom and Super Grandma in one! Food and drinks were brought upstairs to my room for me. Ice packed was always replenished and my baby girl was being taken care of.

Make sure you take your medicine with food though if you can! Especially if you are prescribed the Celebrex for the 3 days post surgery.

I ordered online from Crutcheze fashionable crutch pads for my crutches to add a much needed comfort considering I would be using them for quite a long time and for my next surgery as well. I also ordered the boot cover/protector for when I enter that phase.


Day 2: Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sunday Funday. Not. Already getting bored. The time I look forward to most is when my daughter sits in bed with me to cuddle and watch some cartoons or I can read books to her before her attention span turns to something else.

My poor mother tells me she knows why people should not have kids after 50. Let's just say she is tired. Poor thing, hasn't stopped moving and helping out! Which I appreciate more than she knows!

Caught up on Breaking Bad on Netflix and good news is the pain still doesn't seem bad to me. I don't seem to be experiencing swelling or anything bad, yet I have listened to my doctor and stayed in bed, following all orders. My mother washed my hair for me and I gave myself a sponge bath to wash up and feel fresh. In the morning I have my first post-op check up and I can't wait to get down the flight of stairs with two baby gates! What a FUN challenge that will be....

(Note: Yes I will be putting in pics of my daughter cause she is what gets me through this!! The pics I add are her smiling face from that day!)


Day 3: First Post-Op Check-up - Monday, October 7, 2013

9am first checkup. It was a 45 min drive to my podiatrist's office and the worst part of post surgery thus far. It was so uncomfortable and I hated every part of the ride.

The nurse unwrapped my bandages and after that was done I decided I would look at my foot and WAM BAM there was my Frankenstein foot all stitched up and surprisingly looking good I thought 3 days out. We go to update x-rays and as I'm standing there doing that, my vision goes spotty, my hearing starts fading, I get dizzy and hold onto my crutches tighter. Really? Why does this happen to me? Get through x-rays and I'm breathing harder, they get me back in the chair and get me an orange juice and luckily cause I have a kid, there are snacks in the diaper bag. I took pain meds and a Celebrex before I left the house...I didn't have time to eat anything. Fail. That mixed with the vision of my Frankenstein foot didn't mix well I guess...

Podiatrist comes in to check out his work. Everything looks great, still ordered to only get up to go to the bathroom. They re-bandaged and I'll be back in a week for the next checkup. The dreaded 45 min drive home sucked yet again. I couldn't wait to get back in bed and get my foot up.
I missed my daughters 15 month checkup, first time I've ever had to miss a Dr. appt for her. Good news is she did great but poor kiddo came home having had four shots!!

My crutch pads came in the mail! That was FAST!! They are great, stylin' and super comfortable!!! I also have a wristlet that holds my phone and necessities made specially for crutches that velcros on. I found at CVS for $7.99. Totally worth it
as well.

Day 4: Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Bored. I have a list of things to do that I can get done while in bed but why does it seem that even now with the opportunity to get work done, I can't focus....! I've caught up on all the Breaking Bad on Netflix and wish they had the last season up. But alas I have my Sons of Anarchy to catch up on.

I made an instagram video showing that chocolate cheerios and peanut butter cheerios make a Reeses' peanut butter cup. Clearly I'm starting to lose my mind. Best part of my day is still when Aubrey comes to visit me in bed, such a silly and smart little girl!

Day 5: Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Managed a bath by myself. Taught myself how to french braid thanks to a 10 yr old on YouTube and got my cheetah print pajama leggings on over my bandage all by noon. Exhausting! But it's amazing how bathing makes you feel so much better!!

You know how your NOT supposed to take off the bandage? Whoops...I did. Curiosity killed the cat and I wanted to see how my foot actually looked, snap a pic and adjust my bandage. It's all black and blue, and looking beautiful! Not. It's kinda gross but for where I'm at in recovery I think it actually looks good.

I went downstairs today to be around in the living room to try to "play" with my daughter. I was probably down there for about 30-45 mins? Worst decision. Starting getting bad pains in my foot, realized I needed to get my cripple self back upstairs and in bed like the doctor said. Broke my heart as my daughter cried when I crawled up the stairs :(

Clearly I did too much, had a night of pain and totally discomfort by that brief time out of bed. Around 5:30am I loosened the bandage a bit because I thought maybe that was the problem since my foot felt oddly cold compared to normal and just incredibly uncomfortable even with the pain meds. I finally feel asleep after doing that. Have I mentioned how loud crutches sound when you try to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and you're trying not to wake the sleeping baby next to you? LOUD. I try to be careful but I nearly died by almost falling off my crutches in the dark on a bathroom trip. Good news is I made it, the baby kept sleeping and I'm not on a reality show so there was no camera to document my clumsiness. Whew. :)

Day 6: Thursday, October 10, 2013

Last night was the worst so far the pain and discomfort. I've been rationing my pain meds for only when I need them but the doctor said it should feel better everyday. Not quite there yet....

My best friend Gina came to visit me for and brought some lovely flowers!! What a lucky gal I am to have such a great friend. It was nice to spend some time together for a couple hours and catch up on our lives since we last saw each other, although if we had more time, Gina is one of those friends where we could talk for probably 24 hours straight! Thanks for coming by Gin-bean!

Aubrey fell asleep and I had a late lunch so I ate a late dinner in bed....in the dark....this is what happens when you are a mom and can't move from bed. The kids still come first! Alas, I don't care where I was eating or the lack of light because my mom made DELICIOUS rice and beans for dinner!!!  YUMMM She keeps this Puerto Rican happy! My foot was KILLINGGG me tonight so I stocked up on ice to try to numb the pain and tried to get some rest. Just getting up to make a trip to the bathroom was too painful :-/

Day 7: Friday, October 11, 2013

***HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY MOM AND DAD!!!***

Last night and this morning was roughhhhh. My foot was in a lot of pain, the most since surgery and I don't know why since I thought it was supposed to be getting better at this point. I feel like for me pain has gradually gotten worse instead of better. Almost like I've had a backwards way of recovery....started out feeling great and the pain has oddly only seemed to increase for me. I'm going to keep the ice going and another girl who has gone through this surgery I met on instagram said she put the ice under her knee to help numb. When my mom refilled my ice bag and the pain was the worst this morning I put it there to try that method out! Worked great! Sometimes it's harder to put it up by the foot because the ice still has bandages to get through, where under my knee seemed to numb my foot quicker!

My daughter stole my surgical shoe and is trying to be just like mommy. Too cute!

Day 8: Saturday, October 12, 2013

Today was a boring day. What I did do was finally start catching up on Breaking Bad cause heck I never get the chance to do that! And if I had to hear from anyone else about how amazing the last season was, I was gonna go crazy. So thank goodness for finding the episodes online. My parents took Aubrey out for the day to run errands, hit up Costco...she loves that place just as any adult does...and they were gone for about 6 hours. Did I mention how I didn't have access to food during this time and just water from the bathroom.....Needless to say when my mom came home she did an "Oh crap" moment and heated up food for me. Haha.

Foot hurts...but what else is new. I ration my pain pills and only take it when needed. I have an 800mg of Ibuprofen from post pregnancy so I'd rather take this if needed than use shall we say "the good stuff."

After my baby girl feel asleep, she woke up at one point, reached over the side and the crib and just wanted her mommy. I was more than please to grab her (note my bed is RIGHT next to the crib so I can get her while not having to physically get up) and cuddle with her. She fell right asleep in the crook of my arm. Guess she misses me as much as I miss her.


Day 9: Sunday, October 13, 2013

So that whole me whining that my caretakers (my parents) were out for 6 hours yesterday and left me with no food or drink. I guess my exaggeration got me this today when they went out....that or they are leaving me for two days....

My parents took my daughter to the Harvest Fair in the next town over. Good for her to get outdoors and breathe in some good fresh fall air...and fall in love with a horse. She brought home her mommy some maple cotton candy...what a sweet girl!

I completed Breaking Bad. Series over. It was amazing....from beginning to end. Amazing. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend putting it on your list during surgery recovery.

Restaurant de mi madre also made an INCREDIBLE yummy dinner tonight....could still be making up for the lack of food midday yesterday....

The whole pain thing with my foot is annoying. I thought it was supposed to be getting better and I feel like I only have more pain....I also was definitely not prescribed enough pain medication in the beginning even with only using it as needed. It's throbbing and every time I get up to go to the bathroom, when I get back to bed it hurts SO BAD.

Day 10: Monday, October 14, 2013

Is it tomorrow yet? Because tomorrow is my checkup appointment and I am quite anxious to see what the doctor has to say. Sleeping is no bueno. Keeping your foot elevated all day and night with ice on it leaves little options for sleep positions. My back is hurting too from the bed rest. Honestly I'm not the best candidate for bed rest, I like to out, about and moving. Just going to try to keep it numb with ice as best I can.

Day 11: Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Check-up day! YAY!!!

A big thank you to my friend Gina taking me to the doctor on her only day off from work! Greatly, greatly, greatly appreciated. Foot looked good, he said it wasn't ready for stitches to be out. Got the same instructions as last time....foot up, ice and only allowed to take trips to the bathroom. ughhhhhhhhh At least he was able to prescribe me more pain medication.

Pet Therapy was in order. Gotta love my Cali Cat. She is such a cuddle bug. 

Day 12: Wednesday, October 16, 2013

You know what's always a pick me up? When your best friend comes to visit all the way from CA. I may be a little selfish for taking more of her time on her visit home considering I just stayed with her for an entire two weeks in Los Angeles but hey, she's my bestie. And that bestie came over with a balloon, flowers, the most appropriate and hilarious get well cat card, books for Aubrey, a cat toy for the cat and Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake ice cream. Do I really need to explain why this girl is my best friend? I think not.

Aubrey was absolutely ecstatic to see her Auntie as well because they have an absurd amount of fun together. It's adorable.

How's my foot? Same old, same old. I don't even want to take about it. It gets these sharp shooting pains all through the toe. I know it is the nerves healing. Well let me tell you this, nerves healing is no day at the park. But I suppose this is part of the whole healing process. 


Day 13: Thursday, October 17, 2013

I was a bad patient today. I left the bed...and not only did I leave the bed....I left the house! *GASP* It was only about 3 miles down the road though. My mom drove me over so I could go to a haircut appointment. Guess how long it's been since I last had a haircut? 3 months? Nooo. 6 months? Nope, try again. How about 14 months. That's a longgg time but I'm a mom on a budget and my kids expenses always and will always come before mine. I know I needed Kristine to chop off my split ends and basically get a healthy cut for my poor hair. I didn't have her take off much! But to me it felt like a lot!! Much thicker again and all healthy and bouncy. Just needed something done since being stuck in the house for so long. Since she washed my hair that also counted in my book as a bath...so I'll take a real bath tomorrow because doing that as a cripple is a royal pain in the butt.

It was a lot to be out on my foot and it was throbbing when I got home. But overall less pain...just spastic shooting pains that I SWEAR makes my toe wiggle. But it probably doesn't or maybe it does...I can't tell because there is still no actual feeling in my toe. It's still numb and hopefully the feeling will come back again...cause right now I feel like I have a dead toe.

I have been having a blast as always with my baby and I even wrangled the rocking chair up close to the crib so I can rock her for naptime and use the crib to brace myself so I can hold her, pull myself up and lay her down when she falls asleep. Doing this all on one foot is a lot of work and rocking her making sure my foot doesn't touch the ground or hit anything is a feat in itself but there is nothing better than holding my baby close and singing her to sleep <3

Day 14: Friday, October 18, 2013

TWO WEEKS TODAY!!! I hit the two week mark and I am feeling better. The pain is a different kind of pain....it really is more of these spasms going through my foot and toe but not like the pain in the beginning. It's manageable, don't need medicine for it. What hurts more than my foot? My BACK. OWWW. I don't sleep well...it is really difficult sleeping for two weeks with a foot up all the time!!! I get restless, maybe there are other things going through my mind too but my back is killing me from lack of movement and just not seeming to get in the right sleep position. I'm always so afraid of accidentally putting pressure on my foot if I go to turn the wrong way in my sleep or anything. And I'm constantly fixing my ice pack or switching it out with a new one from the cooler beside me at night that has extra ice to last through the night.

Aubrey and I had a lot of fun today playing and watching Lilo & Stitch! Seriously, I have the happiest, most FUN, silly, smiley, outgoing, cuddly, most incredible baby girl in the world. I could go on and on and on about how blessed I am to have her. We laugh so much everyday and it's the best. That in itself is therapy and helps me to get through this recovery day by day.









Day 15: Saturday, October 19, 2013

Sleeping situation is not getting any better. So tired and my whole body is just sore. I try to do some little workouts from my workout app on my phone to move my body a bit. I love to workout and be active so like I've said before, this whole bed rest thing is frustrating.

I caved and allowed my cat upstairs into my room. Normally she isn't allowed upstairs and can't get up here anyway because of the baby gate at the top of the stairs. But she goes through the side of the steps to bypass the first gate and she was crying at the top of the stairs, I couldn't resist, she became my cuddle buddy. Pet therapy is great. I mean look at my beautiful kitty. How could you not want to cuddle with her?


Day 16: Sunday, October 20, 2013

These days all become a blur....just feels like same old thing day in and day out. I can't always focus on things I should and need to. I still have the list I had from the beginning by my side of things I need to do/get done while I have the chance but I find I lose any focus a lot. I don't want to look at a computer screen, I just can't concentrate on things like I would like to. Still icing, elevating and getting spasms. Still not sleeping well.

Day 17: Monday, October 21, 2013

FINALLY. Another follow-up at the doctors! Got stitches removed today and my daughter thought it was all so funny....she laughed as they took them out. The picture to the side is what my foot looked like before they took the stitches out. Seemed to look good! For some reason at first though, the doctor thought I was on day 21, but was corrected found out I was only on day 17. Only? I don't know how 17 days doesn't seem long because it has seemed like foreverrrr to me!

Instructions were to put Neosporin ointment on the incision area, place the gauze on top and wrap it with the bandage to hold it on place during the day. At night I am to take off the bandages and let it air dry. I can also shower now and get the foot wet with the bandage on. I can start bearing weight slowly and maybe moving my foot more as I can. I need to do this especially because I had trouble even trying to move my ankle at the appt. Everything was stiff. I guess I haven't moved my ankle much because to me I felt like it's all connected to my toe muscles and any movement to try to do is scary. Like he said I was only allowed prior to this appointment to get up to go to the bathroom and the back in bed. I don't have another checkup for 3 weeks! Surprised it's that long until my next one. He also said to take an old pair of sneakers of buy a cheap pair from Wal-Mart and cut off the toe part to make it open toe and sometime next week start walking in that instead of the surgical shoe and the natural bend of the shoe will help start to bend my toe and rehab it.

We stopped at Wal-Mart on the way home, best place to grab Neosporin for a cheaper price...even better was the store brand of it, with the SAME ingredients for way less and two tubes in the box instead of one! I also fulfilled a bucket list dream of riding the electric scooter through the store. I know everyone has always wanted to do it, let's be real! And it was awesome! Aubrey went on it with me for a bit and wanted to steer, she thought it was great haha. I picked up fabric too from their craft department for her Halloween costume! Going to have to sew it this week, it's much cheaper than buying one this year.

A day of what I thought was exciting news, moving to the next phase of this recovery etc turned sour at night. I went to take off my bandage for the night to allow my foot to get some air like I was instructed to do. What do I see?! My incision would was open at the top of my toe...my podiatrist said this could happen. But I can't handle seeing medical, gross things and there was some blood and puss on my bandage...cue minor panic attack, hot flash, feeling a little dizzy.... I covered it back up til I had my Dad who used to be on an ambulance crew, cause he's cool like that, could look at it for me to access the situation.

 As I sat there waiting for him, I was upset and frustrated. I was out of bed A LOT today. I tried to bear weight on it and walk with the crutches across my kitchen floor a bit. I did foot and toe exercises. I had been so excited earlier in the day because I wiggled my toes! It was a spastic wiggle, not completely controlled but they moved and I thought, wow I made progress all in a day! What I really did was jump the gun and now the wound was open and hurting. My dad checked it out and to make me comfortable for the night put a single layer of gauze over it so it was still exposed to air but I felt comfortable that there was fabric "covering" the wound. Just going to have to keep an eye on the puss and blood to make sure it doesn't get infected. I feel like I took a step forward today and now another two steps back because I am afraid to do much more rehab on the foot until the incision would on my toe closes up or scabs over. I'm also frustrated because I want it to heal faster. I have no control over this and I don't like not having control over it. My overly optimistic, positive, I'm superwoman attitude is great is normal life but life my podiatrist reminded me with a surgical recovery, my mind is one thing, but my body is another. The body needs time to heal and I can't rush it. I want to, I want to so bad but I can't. Everyone tells me to relax, take care of the foot the way I have and make sure I heal properly but it just seems so long especially because I am going to have to go through this all over again when the next foot is operated on. My foot hurts so taking an Oxy pill tonight and hopefully sleeping well. I'm not using my pillows to keep it elevated. He didn't address that but I figure the blood flow back to my foot will be good at this point and hopefully I will sleep more comfortably. I'm just using a single pillow under my foot for comfort. Hopefully, better things and progress will happen this week...I don't want to fall behind.


Day 18: Tuesday, October 22, 2013

I slept SO MUCH better last night!!! I actually like slept through the entire night, almost! Big difference is that I was comfortable, way more comfortable with the elevating pillow tower gone and just one under my foot. I'm sure the Oxy pill had something to do with it too, always makes me drowsy and took away the foot pain. My foot looks better having aired out at night but going to wrap it like instructed for the day time with the ointment. I'm not going to try to bear any weight on it today or wiggle my toes. I want the wound to heal better and I don't want to make it any worse than it is.

So taking it easy, watching some of my favorite court tv and episodes of "Scandal" on Netflix. It's my new series I started. I also had started and finished House of Cards on Netflix which was great. Can't remember the last time I watch so much television....sheesh.

Aubrey and I had fun again. She tried grabbing my hand and pulling me out of bed to play, too cute. Who can resist that? So I went to her playroom with her and then got some books and toys to bring back to my room. She was looking at my other foot thinking, hmm do you have to get this one done too mom? Yep, gotta fix that one next! I did love that she was a bit of a cuddlebug today!! She sat and was watching her cartoon with me, just wanted to snuggle, I love that. <3

Not elevating again, and going to try to sleep like I did last night. Fingers crossed. Not taking a pain pill though unless I need it in the middle of the night.


Day 19: Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Slept ok without any medicine last night but my foot was throbbing and bothering me. When I looked at it this morning it did not look good! Here is the picture I took after just putting some Coconut Oil on it which I thought would soften it up since my foot was so stiff and dry. The red around the incision area is not good, along with the extra swelling on my toe and yellow puss...not good. I called the podiatrist office to tell them because this really concerns me. He sent over a prescription for antibiotics right away to my pharmacy and made an appointment to see me again tomorrow morning. Really was hoping to NOT get an infection :-(. Back to not being able to move it again, we will see what he says tomorrow. Another frustrating part is his office is 45 mins away so it's not right down the road and I was just there Monday!
In other news my daughter is hilarious as always and had a blast as I got her to go down the stairs on her bum this morning which she thought was great! Haha. Quite a vision with me in front of her, going down the stairs backwards on my knees, with one foot in the air, moving the crutches down the stairs and her behind me (but in front of me because I was facing backwards) scooting down with two stair baby gates.

Got my antibiotics, foot hurts and is swollen. As you can see it is ginormous compared to my other one. Hoping tomorrow's appointment sheds some light on what happened and what is going to happen next.






Day 20: Thursday, October 24, 2013


Had my doctor check my foot today to see what was going on. Good news is he said it's not an infection!! WOOHOOO!!! If it was, my foot would be even bigger and all this other stuff and I would be put in the hospital for four days on IV's and antibiotics. Glad that wasn't what was happening. It is a fluid from surgery that can ooze out especially because I have a gap in my incision right now with it still open. He reprimanded me a bit and said I have been doing too much and it doesn't matter what I try to tell him because he can tell by mother nature and my foot. He can see I've done "too much." He told my mom she is to be on "deputy" duty and make sure I am off my foot. I need to let it heal or my incision will continue to open if I don't let it heal properly and this could be a longer healing process. I was instructed to keep taking all the antibiotics, NOT to use hydrogen peroxide to clean it but to soak it in the tub with warm water and epsom salt.

I really think my stitches were taken out too early but there was no turning back once that was done. I guess I also misunderstood him when he said I could start to bear weight a little at a time as I started trying to flat foot walk across my kitchen floor and do all these exercises directly after my stitches had been taken out. I got overly optimistic again instead of letting my body heal. So back to taking it easy again. I will try my best, as best as I can with my 15 month old around, who wants to be held, picked up, rocked to sleep, played with and doesn't understand that mommy has only one foot. And not even one "good" foot because that one has a hurting bunion. Which starting hurting again today a lot as I was up and about with her. Being on the crutches and relying on that one foot is hurting my other bunion that will need surgery after my left foot heals. Just have to take a deeeeeeeep deeeeep breathe and keep taking it day by day. As for now, I've discovered "Bitstrips" to kill some time and make me laugh....here's me on my cripple scooter haha.

Day 21: Friday, October 25, 2013

Still frustrated about how I've backtracked but just going to focus on moving forward and that it can only get better, right? Finally taking a bath today where I am going to put my foot in the water with epsom salt and soap and let it soak. Hopefully that helps. Good thing having a baby is I have baby soap so it's nice and gentle to soak it in.
It hurt a bit putting it in the bath at first, was a weird feeling that went through my whole foot. You can see how it looks here dried up and then I oiled it up. There was dead skin just coming off my foot, I scrubbed it and it just rolled off! GROSS! But I suppose when you haven't washed you foot in 3 weeks, that's going to happen. Still have blood and that "yellow" stuff from surgery that oozes out whatever it is.


Day 22: Saturday, October 26, 2013

I hate bed rest. My foot is doing ok. Not icing or taking pain pills still. Keeping it wrapped during the day with the antibiotic ointment and then airing out at night. It's hard to explain but my foot has felt like it's "defrosting." The swelling is going down and it feels like I am getting feeling back to areas of my foot and toes, hence the "defrost" feel. It's just weird. Plain weird to feel. It's a good thing though so I'll take it.

Today I spent SIX hours hand sewing my daughter's Halloween costume. It's not done yet, but got the hard part out of the way. I do have a nice new sewing machine that I have only used a couple times but right now I can't find the power cord and foot pedal so I had to resort to hand sewing it. I actually used her costume last year as the base and re-purposed it to make a new one this year with cheap fabric from Wal-Mart. This costume is only gonna cost me like $6 and I'm stuck in bed anyway so might as well do something useful while I watch "Scandal" on Netflix! Besides a costume made with love is better than any store bought costume :-)


Day 23: Sunday, October 27, 2013

Nothing exciting to report today. I'm pretty sure I'm going to catch up on the series "Scandal" though to where it's at on TV. What productivity! And my dad informed me "Sons of Anarchy" just released their last season on Netflix.....YESSSS. I can't seem to focus STILL on other things I need to get done around here and other blogs I would like to write. My mind is just off in another place...

Aubrey was chilling with me in bed and reading books and playing as usual. She thought it was hysterical that her Abuelo was mowing the lawn and she could look out my window and watch. He would wave to her, it was like a celebrity! haha, so adorable. Then she thought she would read one of my get well Catholic blessing cards a friend from church sent me. Must have been a good read. Just love my snuggle bug more than anything!

What I did notice which is gross, is that under my big toe where the surgery was done that since it is still leaning and swollen, that an area underneath it was white-ish from too much moisture. It wasn't getting air. I took gauze and rolled it up to stick between my big toe and the one next to it to make sure it is getting air. More dead skin came off and it was kind off raw underneath that area. Glad I noticed it though and it didn't get worse.


Day 24: Monday, October 28, 2013

Emotionally draining day for me as I had to handle some personal stuff this morning and that also required me to be on my foot for way longer than I have been on it on crutches. So needless to say my foot was aching when I got home. Then brilliant me, my lovebug wanted me to hold her, which I can manage while balancing myself on my crutches to some extent...but then she tried to slide down and knocked me off balance and I LANDED ON MY FOOT!!!! OWWW OWWW OWW OWWWWWW!!!!!!

I thought I must have opened the incision more! I checked and it was ok but my foot was now hurting really bad. Good thing Aubrey agreed with me it was ok to cuddle on the couch and watch cartoons instead of play around cause after that fall there was no way I could do that. I needed to get my foot up and rest.

I was very happy when my mom got home from work today to help me out with my baby girl after all the stress my foot went through today. I don't know how I would get through this post surgery recovery phase without the help. It's a lot of work trying to wrangle a kid, play with her, change diapers all on one foot and crutches. I don't even have one "good" foot because my right foot, the bunion has actually been killing me too since I have to bear all my weight on it. Tonight it was killing me from having to rely on it so much today!

Day 25: Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Foot is looking better I think. Still having that yellow stuff oozing onto my gauze pads every time I take off the bandages at night. I did some Halloween nails today. Usually with my daughter around, I never get time to do my nails! Because if I tried to do it during her nap, that would be the time she naps for like 20 mins and my nails would be wet when she wakes up and it would be a disaster....I tried to be creative and do some Nightmare Before Christmas nails with Jack Skellington. Saw them on Instagram and thought it looked cool!

Incision is STILL not closed up yet though. Annoying. It's scabbing over and looking at this picture I should really change my toe nail polish. It's not looking so cute anymore, lol. Can't believe how long it seems for my foot to be healing. I feel like my other "bunion buddies" on instagram have their incisions healing much faster than mine. Good thing is like I have said before my other foots bunion hurts more than this. I don't really have pain but with that said I haven't been bearing any weight on it. I'm sure once I FINALLY get to that point, it's not going to be pleasant. Just want this foot to heal. I can't believe I have to go through this process again after this one is done.


Day 26: Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Nothing much to report today. Sleeping better without having to worry about elevating and just trying to focus on positive healing thoughts for my foot!

Day 27: Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween!!! Finished up working on Aubrey's costume this morning, just had some last minute adjustments to make. Going to try to trek along to do "Malloween" which is at the mall from 4-6pm. Nice, safe, weather friendly way to go trick or treating for the little ones :)

My daughter has made up a walk to make fun of me. I call it "The Crutch Walk."  If you click the link below, you can see shenanigans. Pretty funny actually! She started doing it all on her own.
"The Crutch Walk"

HOLY *(&@#*&%@)(^&%)#(&%)#(*& BATMAN. HOLY (*@^#(*%@(*#&)@. I FELL ON MY FOOT. Full on, full weight, bent toes back, fell on my foot. I was rocking Aubrey for her nap. She was out like a light, ready to be put in the crib. This time I hadn't gotten to move the rocking chair up close to the crib like I normally do, so I had to go along the side of the crib and hop carefully there. I was fine, I got to the crib and when I went to lay her down, I lost my balance, slipped and my first concern of course was Aubrey so as a natural reaction my I made sure I had her with both arms and my foot went down. I was able to lay her down in the crib surprisingly gracefully as I ungracefully went down. Poor kiddo woke up though and I was screaming and crying in extreme pain. I can't even explain how bad it hurt. EXCRUCIATING.

Good thing my dad was home, I screamed for him and he was just waking up (he works a 3rd shift, overnight, so he sleeps during the day). I thought I opened the incision or something worse, the pain was so bad. I unwrapped it and THANK GOD it was ok, visually. Popped a pain pill right away and as my dad tried to calm down Aubrey I called the Dr to see if there was anything I needed to do or watch for. They said it wasn't good that I fell at this point in post-op but to take some meds for pain and put ice on it. Supposed to watch to see if it gets red or suddenly more swollen and they made an appt for me to come in on Monday morning. So ice and pain pill it is and no more Malloween.

I figured we could just take Aubrey down a block near us. One of the houses has a train they make that goes around their yard and all these characters set up on the lawn, music, lots of decorations! Very visually entertaining for a 15 month old. I had rested and nothing was going to stop me from missing my daughters first time trick or treating. Nothing. So I threw on some things from my closet, put some quick makeup on to make myself look like a cat. Aubrey was Boo from Monsters Inc. so I figured together we were "Boo Kitty!" (At least I thought it was creative) In the end it worked out. Rough day but Halloween was a blast and seeing her happy and smiling enjoying getting candy from people and seeing all the costumes kids were wearing was great!!! I crutched up and down that street and I would do it again!




















Day 28: Friday, November 1, 2013

My foot surprisingly doesn't feel so bad. I was expecting much worse from that fall! However my other foot, with the existing bunion kills from being on it. I can't wait til that pain is gone as well. Aubrey and I watched "Nightmare Before Christmas" this morning which she LOVED. So cute. We had lots of play time today and it was great. She did get Mac & Cheese all over her and in her hair so an impromptu bath was in order! Love my silly girl more than anything.

Sheeshhhh my other foot is killllling me. I don't have one good foot! Not one! Starting to look into Crocs as well for when I can start rehabbing my foot and trying to walk again. As much as I hate them and think they are uber ugly, they are supposed to be super comfortable and will be appropriate footwear until I am ok to be in a normal shoe again. Also going to call the doctor's office today or tomorrow to cancel my appointment. My foot seems fine and like I've said before it's a 45 min drive there so if I can prevent an hr and a half ride for a quick checkup, I'm all about that. I don't think I need it.

Day 29: Saturday, November 2, 2013

Trying to rest my foot today. With that said I also tried putting a little pressure on it to see how it felt, hurts but seems promising and my incision seems JUST about closed. So there is hope. Aubrey was such a cuddle bug today. So loving with lots of kisses and hugs and snuggles. My favorite thing!!! As I'm resting I'm taking advantage of the time to research deals and bargain for Christmas gifts. I like to get that done sooner than later!

Have to remember to turn back the clocks tonight. An extra hour of sleep! But someone try to tell that to a 15 month old....haha. Hopefully she can adjust to the time difference in one day. I'm confident in her :)

Day 30: Sunday, November 3, 2013

My parents took Aubrey to church this morning and then on a Costco run. Four weeks now I haven't been able to go to church, maybe next week I'll be able to get out and go Saturday night. I'm hoping I can progress this week. I'll be calling the doctor first thing in the morning to cancel my appointment. My foot has still been fine since the fall, no additional abnormalities. Still swollen like it always is and my toes are like fat sausages. I purchased some Crocs online today to prepare for when the time comes to put my foot in a shoe. If you are looking to get some, or any shoe for that matter, I recommend 6pm.com. They have free shipping, shoes get to you in a day or two and GREAT deals/discounts. I even snagged an extra 10% off daylight savings special! Woot woot!

Poor baby girl has had a runny nose all day and seems to only be getting worse. All sniffles and breathing more through her mouth than nose. But you wouldn't know because she is still being happy and silly, just a little more cuddly and clingy than normal. She even cuddled up for at least a solid 45 mins to watch Shrek! For a toddler to stay still that long is pretty impressive.

I put some pressure on my foot while wearing my surgical shoe some more today to see how much weight I felt comfortable bearing. I felt like I did pretty good! It's literally gonna be one step at a time....day by day. While I was washing my foot in today's bath with epsom salt (my doctor told me I can use a washcloth to clean the incision in an up and down motion, not sideways though so you don't bother the incision, accidentally open it) the scabbed area over my incision peeled away. Just a layer of dead skin and scabs. Gross I know. Not to mention every time I bathe I feel like all I'm doing is rubbing dead skin off my foot, bleh. But nevertheless it came off this time which I guess is good? Looks like the incision is wayyy better than before and now I can really make sure the area gets its ointments and try to minimize the scarring.

Going to bed though my toe is throbbing, little jolts of pain going through but I have been putting some pressure on my foot and it has spasms sometimes....kind of like my foot wants to try to operate normally. Let me try to further explain that...I could be on my crutches and going to sit down and when I move a certain way, my foot naturally might want to bend or toes moves like they normally would pre-surgery yet because this hasn't been normal movement for almost a month now, it causes pain later on.








Day 31: Monday, November 4, 2013

ONE MONTH MARK!!! Wow this process seems to take forever, but then again healing IS supposed to be 6-8 weeks. My poor baby girl has a cold so made sure she was happy today and drinking her fluids to get her better. Surprisingly even sick she was still in good spirits. A little rough in the morning though because she was clingy and getting really upset that Mama couldn't CARRY her down the stairs with crutches or carry her around the kitchen as I tried to make her breakfast on crutches. Poor kiddo, breaks my heart to see her all sniffly and looking simply miserable. Makes for a good time to cuddle though!

I WALKED TODAY. I actually feel like I made progress today. I tried bearing weight here and there on my foot and it was going well. When I rocked Aubrey to sleep for her afternoon nap, I used BOTH of my feet this time to rock, pushing off from the floor, letting the toes bend back and all. I got little sparks and shots of pain here and there but nothing too bad. It felt good, like a good exercise to do while I rocked her to sleep. Then getting excited about how that went I tried to see if I could take a few steps possibly without my crutches....keeping close to things I could grab onto of course...and I did it!! A little wobbly and awkward...but I made some steps and then I made some more steps later on. I can also manage to walk on the side of my foot where there isn't an incision, it's easier to put more pressure there as I bear more weight. Felt great though! I feel like ever since it seems the incision is pretty much closed up, I am finally moving forward. I am completely swollen again though from using my foot the way I did and it hurts a bit but I was told that would happen and to just go back to putting on some ice at night. Apparently you can still suffer from swelling up to a full year from surgery!!! Wow! Looking forward to continuing to make progress this week :-)

The "Kid" Factor

This is for the parent out there that is responsible for a life other than their own and has to go through this surgery. I'm not going to sugarcoat this, it's going to be rough. More than the physical pain you might experience, it is a mental and emotional challenge not being able to be the mommy you typically are. (or daddy!) You are going to have to hang your SuperMom cape on the wall for a period of time. And YOU will NEED help!!!! Please don't think you can get this surgery and be doing things around the house on your crutches. My second follow-up with my podiatrist will be about 10 days post surgery and this entire time I have been ordered to only get up to go to the bathroom. That is no joke and not to be taken lightly. It is imperative that you listen to your doctor because after finally getting the surgery you don't want to mess with the work the surgeon has done by improperly taking care of yourself.

I am so blessed and lucky to have my parents to help me with my daughter. This is only even possible because of my parent's off work schedule. My mom is around mornings and my dad works an overnight shift. So he has only been getting a couple hours of sleep before he is up to help out with the second shift with my daughter while Grandma is at work. I couldn't have done this without them. I am a single mom so they are really my rocks for being there for me. I don't have a Prince Charming at this point in my life (mine was more the Beauty & Beast story, except time ran up, the flowers fell off the rose petal and he stayed a Beast...rawr). So suck up your pride as hard as it is and make sure you have help. Even if you have a Prince Charming around, I'm sure he has to go into the castle and put in hours at work so you will need some royal assistance to help out at other times.

If you have children old enough to explain this to or even if you don't it is a solid reminder for yourself to understand why you need to get this rest and heal properly. You live for your children and they love mommy more than anything. Remind them that you love them so much that you are getting your foot fixed now so that you can continue to chase and play with them for a long long long time. Kids are energizer bunnies. It is incredible. Don't you want to keep up with them? You are doing this surgery for yourself but at the same time you are doing it for them! Having my daughter was more incentive to do this because I want to keep chasing her, taking her on hikes, bike rides and continue a healthy, active lifestyle without having to take a break or sit down because "mommy's feet hurt."

So as your heart breaks when they cry for you or don't understand why you can't play with them the same or stand to pick them up, remember you are going to heal properly so you can do these things again without any pain or problems. This recovery may seem long while you go through it but it will be just a small little blip out of yours and your child's life. Heck they will probably forget it when they are older! It IS worth it. No one should have to experience pain if they can get it fixed. Stay positive and stay healthy :) You will be able to put your SuperMom cape back on before you know it!

Tips for Before Surgery

• Fill prescriptions and have ready for post surgery.
• Think about your food situation depending on who might/might not be helping you out. Make sure you have what you need in your fridge/freezer. Look up fruits/veggies that naturally help decrease swelling to have around since that will happen post surgery!
• If you have a child, in my instance I knew I wouldn't be able to bring her to her 15 month checkup so I went to her pediatrician ahead of time and signed off on medical forms giving permission for my parents to bring her to any appointments. 
• You really won't be able to leave the house for a while so get your errands done: stopping at the bank, make sure you are able to pay your bills, fill your car with gas so you don't have to do it on crutches when you can drive again. 
• PILLOWS. Make sure you have enough pillows to prop yourself up and sleep on and then enough to make it comfortable to prop your foot up on. I have a full size bed and got an extra 2pack of super comfy King size pillows from Costco to have. I use those with a standard to prop myself and sleep on. For elevating my foot, I have stacked a baby boppy pillow, body pillow, and standard pillow with another standard pillow used as like a wedge under my thigh/knee to keep it comfortable. 
• Make sure your laundry is done and your have what you need for clothes close by.
• Do you have basics like toilet paper stocked in the bathroom? Cause that would suck to run out of.....
• Have your bed, remote controls, chargers all ready for you so that when you arrive home you can just get in bed to rest and start the healing process.

Tips for After Surgery

• ICE is your best friend. Make sure you ice bag won't leak because you can't get the bandage wet! A fellow "bunion bandit" (as I like to call the people I meet going through this surgery) suggested putting the ice under your knee sometimes to help numb the foot/leg. It does help! It was faster when I tried it during a jolt of pain because the ice didn't have to get through layers of bandaging on my foot!
• In the first few days, don't wait til the 6th hour for those pain meds, you will be hurting!
• You doctor told you to stay off your foot and keep it elevated, DO THAT.

Please feel free to post ANY questions and I will put up a Q&A!! I am happy to answer any question you might have and it might be something someone else is wondering too!