How Do You Measure A Life? Measure In Love.

Darn you Glee. Darn YOU. They aired the episode honoring Corey Monteith's character Finn Hudson on the show last night. Corey passed away this year due to an accidental drug overdose. A tragic and sad death at such a young age. Glee did a great, simple, yet heart wrenching, made me cry like a baby, tears down the face episode to remember Corey for what he did with his life and the great, caring, genuine person he was. They didn't focus on the "why" he died. That wasn't Corey. That was an unfortunate event. Instead they celebrated who he was and the positivity he brought into other character's lives on the show.

Maybe what got me so emotional was my real life connection to the story of a young, sudden death and at that time I was in my own "glee" club in high school. The memories and emotions all flooded back like it was yesterday...

16. I was 16 years young when I found out that my very best friend, also 16 years young died. Just like any normal night my other best friend Erin called the house to talk. We at that age still called each other's house phones, only a few people were getting cell phones then. I didn't think anything of it, Erin was on the phone, YAY! When I took the phone from my mom, I wandered into the bathroom, said "Hi" and immediately I knew something was not right. I could hear it in her voice and that's when I got the news. She told me our friend Lexy had passed away the night before. I bolted downstairs and ran outside to the side porch, bawling, hysterical, a full on hyperventilating type of crying. I couldn't believe it. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't breathe.

I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. Every tear I had in me and then some came out. I lost control of my body. I curled up in a ball like a baby. Eyes swollen, tightened chest, I mentally went into a zoned out mode. I was numb. I didn't understand anything. I didn't get why this was happening, I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I took sips of water but I didn't want food. I had no appetite. I was in bed for days. I couldn't move, I cried and just wanted to lay there for forever.

One of the first normal things I did was keep my driver's ed appointment. They were coming in the morning to pick me up for a lesson on the road. Guess who the other student that was supposed to be in the car on that appointment with me for a lesson was? Lexy. We had been doing driver's ed together that summer. We had just finished the class and written test portion and were doing road lessons scheduled together. The teacher knew what had happened and came to pick me up by herself. She just had me drive to her house where she tried to brighten my spirits by meeting her dogs. Then her daughter leaned over the railing to tell her mom that some girl from the high school had died. My poor teacher went into panic mode over the way her daughter had burst out with this gossipy news with me standing right there. She yelled at her daughter, kept apologizing to me and we left. She made her daughter talk to me on her cell to apologize. It was still surreal and it wasn't her fault, I understood it. She didn't know I was there or that I was her best friend. Yet it was my first time out of the house and I didn't see how this was going to get easier.

Gone. Never coming back. Never going to see her again. Junior year was going to start and she wouldn't be in the hallways at school. I wouldn't get to hear her absolutely angelic voice singing in chorus anymore, the kind of vocals that made the hairs on your body stand on edge. There would be no more hours spent talking on the phone or at that time messaging on AIM(AOL Instant Messenger for you young-ins...all pre-facebook). She would no longer be playing the role she was cast for in the fall play. All these never
ending thoughts flooded me constantly. The "Fab Five" as we called our little group of friends just lost a member. But what I did have were my other friends going through this too and thank God that I had them. Thank God we had each other. Because together we would have to experience the pain and grief and try to carry on.

Singing and choir being a large part of Lexy's life and her friends, our chorus group in high school got together. We were going to sing the song 525,600 Minutes from the Broadway show Rent at Lexy's wake. This is the song that started off the Glee episode...like I said...cue the tears. Still to this day that was the most difficult song I ever had to perform in chorus. I couldn't make it through it, most of us couldn't as we were crying while trying to sing. Maybe we all gave Lex a little laugh at the hot messes we were that day at the wake. Things were going to change and at that time I didn't know how. I didn't know the effect that losing a friend at that age would have on me. Not a negative effect but a positive effect that would only make me a better person.

Instead of focusing on what I wouldn't have anymore from losing a friend, I thought about this lyric from the song 525,600 minutes; "It's time now to sing out, though the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends." Celebrate. Just like Glee did through their episode, you have to celebrate the life of a person and who they were while we were blessed by their presence on this earth. Appreciate the memories you had made and the times you were lucky enough to share together. You have to remember to laugh as well, it's ok. Laughter of course is the soul's best medicine.

The first time that comes to mind where I think I realized how this experience was going to affect me in a positive way was on a normal day in the hallways of high school. I recall two girls who were friends yelling at each other, they were in a fight over what, I don't know, but I remember it was something utterly ridiculous. Inside I got angry. I was SO mad at them because all I wanted to do was shout at them to stop, "STOP fighting! You are so lucky that you HAVE your friend ALIVE and next to you and you're fighting over NOTHING. STOP. You don't even realize what you have!" At least that's what I saying in my head. That was the moment it changed for me.

To this day I never let any little thing bother me. Most people have come to know that I am an open book, I am all about honesty and you can't offend me UNLESS you attack my character. That would be the only thing way to rattle my cage. (Or now if you ever to mess with my daughter....ooooo you better watch out for this momma bear!) I take pride in my morals and values. I believe in honesty, love, family, friends, faith, hope and living life to it's fullest. Good lord my high school graduation speech was all about that!

We have one life. Why be dragged down by little things, little fights or disagreements with people? Why let these things stress us out or unnecessarily negatively consume us? When something comes up, ask yourself this, "Is it worth it?" Is it worth me getting that upset over the guy that has 15 items in the 10 items or less line? Is it worth it me losing patience during the holiday shopping season when there are long lines and only a few cashiers on? Is it worth it to allow pointless gossip or someone's negative opinion of what you do with your life bother you? When you start asking yourself this, there isn't much that really makes the cut to be worth the stress, depression or negativity it could bring to your life. No need to lose sleep over little things. And if someone is making a big deal out of nothing, then you move forward with your life and let it bother them if that's the path they chose to take. It shouldn't be your problem. Let them be miserable. You take the high road. If you are a negative influence in my life, I just move on. My daughter and I don't have time for that, we have big plans and stay positive 200% of the time.

Call me crazy or even naive but I truly believe that if you are just a good person in life, if you follow the golden rule "Treat others as you want to be treated," that you will be rewarded. Karma will work out in your favor. Doesn't always seem that way! But without challenges in life, how would we become stronger or learn something. Something that was a devastating event in my life, completely changed my life for the better, put life in a whole new perspective.

I used to celebrate the anniversary of Lexy's passing and birthday by writing a little note to her, tying it to a pink balloon and sending it off to the heaven's. I did that for years and then one of those days came along and it wasn't like I didn't think about it or that I forgot but I didn't get to send a balloon up. I realized then that I will always miss her, I will always think of my friend and heck I talk to her all the time if she's listening up there in paradise but it was then I knew that I was ok. I had healed in a way that I moved forward with my life and have chased and will continue to chase my dreams just like Lexy would have wanted me to. I think she would be proud of me today, who I am and where I'm headed in life.

So, how do you measure a life? Measure in love. Your family, your true friends, keep them close. Don't let them slip through your fingers over anything that probably isn't worth fighting about. In life it's the quality of the people that we surround ourselves with that show true value, not the quantity. Pass down the love to your children and your children's children. Be nice to everyone, always wear a smile, appreciate everything because it could all be gone tomorrow. I wish everyone health and happiness and don't forget...is it worth it?